It seems like all my life... I have been listening to others... just to please others... just to prevent uneccessary arguments between the elders... just cos I am not the type who will voice out my views rite at others' face...
When can I really be me? When can I really have a space of my own? When can I speak up for myself and not have anyone dictating my life? When can my husband really listen to how I feel and what I want?
Is it that hard to ask for? Is it too selfish of me to ask for a home of my own?
A home where no one nags at me about how to breastfeed my son, where no one just enters the room without knocking, where no one is so "over helpful", where I manage it myself, where I can return to when I feel down, where my son can grow to make his own decision, where my understanding and keeping quiet is not mistaken as being a weakling or timid, where I won't be mistaken as someone who just "follow" whatever my husband decides... where both parents from both families feels at ease, where I can have some years of freedom first before the in-laws or aunties move in with us, where my bra does not keep going to someone else's wardrobe... where I really can call it My Home.
I'm really sorry Dzul, I need time to communicate with myself since you have made your decision. I know it is for our own good, I know it is for Hamzah's upbringing... But will the 10 years promise really come true? I dunno... I can only pray for the best for us...
Its not so much about the house... its more of my fear of not being able to be myself again... I've found myself last week... it was only last week...
ever since Hamzah's born, I've not been really happy.... people are really suffocating me... I can only pray for the best for Hamzah... for Dzul, for our relatives, for our elders, and for me...
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