To my family...

While you are pondering and stressed up over why the hell do you need to go through all these nonsense with this "cheena" in law... while you are wondering why the hell does it seem like I have not contributed much to the house... while you were dicussing about how to deal with me when Dzul comes home from work... while you are thinking how terrible I am as a daughter inlaw, a wife, a sister and even a mother... while you are thinking how bad it will be if we don't have you around to help and worrying about it... while you were planning how to help yourself so that you don't have to help mum with housework... while you are out there happily enjoying movies and meals with your friends after work... while you were hoping that I am not so "stupid"... while you were...etcetc... All in all, Allah is watching. Watching you, watching me. Allah sees your concerns, worries, frustration, anger, uncertainties about me. Allah also sees my hardwork, my patience for you, my easygoing, my forever obliging, my trying to please YOU, Allah also sees me running around outside after work looking for cheaper milk powder, scouting for good mattresses and carrying them back 1 by 1, trying to clean up the room while Sabriyah wakes up even to the lightest tap on the table, trying to iron clothes, sweep and mop the floor, fold the clothes, wash babies' toys, milk bottles, playpen, accessories etc. all at midnight when you have fallen asleep or watching some shows in your room. Allah also feels my heartbreak when I quarrelled with my mum of religious issues and you couldn't care at all. Allah also sees me trying to find that S11 for bills and for you. Allah also sees me with no mood to have sex with my husband just bcos of my worries of you sweating the petty stuff. Allah also sees your unwillingness to help your mum with housework, coming home late just to try to avoid your responsibility as a child of your mum. Allah also sees and hears your sarcacism about me. Allah also hears your complain about me in your heart. Allah also feels your jealousy of my children being close to me and not you. Allah knows you have no respect for me at all because you think I am incapable of being a good wife, daughterinlaw,sister, daughter etc. Allah also knows how much I yearn to wanna have a home of my own, because I know you can't stand me. But I can only try my best. Try my best to be the best wife, daughterinlaw, mother in my own way. Try my best to work things out so that I am proud of my own results. Try my best to let my kids learn positive values of being Respectful and Patient. Try my best to be happy. Try my best to find my piece of freedom which you think I should not have, cos now that I am a wife, mother and daughterinlaw. Try my best not to be annoyed by you or complain to anyone abt you...cos that made me sinned. Try my best to be a better person each day, a person better than myself yesterday. Try to catch some sleep now. Bye!

To Hamzah

You have been such a wonderful child since born, my wonderful son. Every milestone of yours, is a joy for me. Please remember that you are a very fortunate boy. A person whom many shower their love for...there is Me, there is Bapak, Nyai and Yai...even Ah Gong Ah Mah, Ah Gu, Ah Gim, cik Aliah, Wak Amin, Wak Nurul...etcetc... Please also bare in mind that our being strict to you, doesn't lessen our love for you. Our love for you, is always equal to our love for your other siblings. There are many other children without parents, many other people without siblings, not even yai or nyai or even cik at home whom they can play with. Please appreciate whatever God (Allahuakhbar) has given you... I know there are times in life that is uneasy. Well nobody say life is easy. Nobody's life is easy! Right from the day you were born, tough times got my way. But I overcomed it. In fact, you were there for me (even though still a baby). That's what got me through :D Bapak, Sab and u are the reasons to my happy life. I hope you find us your reason to happiness too! Please remember to find someone who is able to love us as much as she loves you. Then we can be one united family :D Well, life is not only about getting married and having babies. If you think that you want to achieve somethings in life...be it career, dreams,etc go ahead! Just want to tell you that I support you as long as it is from the Right Guidance of Allah and is Halal. Mum is always here for you son. Even though I may not be a good cook, but I have a good pair of listening ears (in case you forgot) and shoulders to cry on.

Spiderman son... has a tendency of falling...

How I wish my son sometimes has that spiderweb thingy which Spiderman has... u know...just so that he can quickly "shoot" it out to grab onto something b4 he falls... Yes! he fell again this morning while playing with a bottle of bubbles...thanks for his very clever mother (hmmph!). I hope he's alright and grows up a strong boy who stands up himself without crying and able to recover from any ups and downs in life independently.