http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJmh0Tu5EUM
When can I have mine? I dunno....
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Its really hard to adjust myself to adapt to others sometimes. Perhaps I'm too particular with things... it just annoys me when people like to tell me what to do or change how I do things.
It's already annoying enough for the fact that I have to change my ways to adapt with my in-laws, its their house anyway... but more people comes around trying to change my life (unknowingly i guess).... uh!!!! even slightest things like closing the door.... or milo powder "Vee...nanti milo finish u jangan throw away tin ah.... i nak balik....i ada milo big tin....ah boleh this one lah..."
AND as if trying to change my life isn't enough... there r still "codes" to break as they speak... such as "boleh this one lah" "later cannot finish nevermind...can this one lah" wat do they mean by "this one"? sometimes there's even "that one" and "ini lah".... Ya Allah! Ya Allah! Ya Allah!
I feel like I sin everyday with my complains in my heart.... God tell me what to do please! or someone just shoot me pls!
It's already annoying enough for the fact that I have to change my ways to adapt with my in-laws, its their house anyway... but more people comes around trying to change my life (unknowingly i guess).... uh!!!! even slightest things like closing the door.... or milo powder "Vee...nanti milo finish u jangan throw away tin ah.... i nak balik....i ada milo big tin....ah boleh this one lah..."
AND as if trying to change my life isn't enough... there r still "codes" to break as they speak... such as "boleh this one lah" "later cannot finish nevermind...can this one lah" wat do they mean by "this one"? sometimes there's even "that one" and "ini lah".... Ya Allah! Ya Allah! Ya Allah!
I feel like I sin everyday with my complains in my heart.... God tell me what to do please! or someone just shoot me pls!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
when can I really be me?
It seems like all my life... I have been listening to others... just to please others... just to prevent uneccessary arguments between the elders... just cos I am not the type who will voice out my views rite at others' face...
When can I really be me? When can I really have a space of my own? When can I speak up for myself and not have anyone dictating my life? When can my husband really listen to how I feel and what I want?
Is it that hard to ask for? Is it too selfish of me to ask for a home of my own?
A home where no one nags at me about how to breastfeed my son, where no one just enters the room without knocking, where no one is so "over helpful", where I manage it myself, where I can return to when I feel down, where my son can grow to make his own decision, where my understanding and keeping quiet is not mistaken as being a weakling or timid, where I won't be mistaken as someone who just "follow" whatever my husband decides... where both parents from both families feels at ease, where I can have some years of freedom first before the in-laws or aunties move in with us, where my bra does not keep going to someone else's wardrobe... where I really can call it My Home.
I'm really sorry Dzul, I need time to communicate with myself since you have made your decision. I know it is for our own good, I know it is for Hamzah's upbringing... But will the 10 years promise really come true? I dunno... I can only pray for the best for us...
Its not so much about the house... its more of my fear of not being able to be myself again... I've found myself last week... it was only last week...
ever since Hamzah's born, I've not been really happy.... people are really suffocating me... I can only pray for the best for Hamzah... for Dzul, for our relatives, for our elders, and for me...
When can I really be me? When can I really have a space of my own? When can I speak up for myself and not have anyone dictating my life? When can my husband really listen to how I feel and what I want?
Is it that hard to ask for? Is it too selfish of me to ask for a home of my own?
A home where no one nags at me about how to breastfeed my son, where no one just enters the room without knocking, where no one is so "over helpful", where I manage it myself, where I can return to when I feel down, where my son can grow to make his own decision, where my understanding and keeping quiet is not mistaken as being a weakling or timid, where I won't be mistaken as someone who just "follow" whatever my husband decides... where both parents from both families feels at ease, where I can have some years of freedom first before the in-laws or aunties move in with us, where my bra does not keep going to someone else's wardrobe... where I really can call it My Home.
I'm really sorry Dzul, I need time to communicate with myself since you have made your decision. I know it is for our own good, I know it is for Hamzah's upbringing... But will the 10 years promise really come true? I dunno... I can only pray for the best for us...
Its not so much about the house... its more of my fear of not being able to be myself again... I've found myself last week... it was only last week...
ever since Hamzah's born, I've not been really happy.... people are really suffocating me... I can only pray for the best for Hamzah... for Dzul, for our relatives, for our elders, and for me...
Concern for loved ones...
There was once, a Taiwanese celebrity said "the more down you feel, the more you should show concern for your loved ones"...
Cos you are not the only one that has troubles... it also keeps your mind off your unhappiness for a while.
I guess it helps a little... FB-ed Wen An about his son...FB-ed Yatie about how she is now.... sms-ed Mousey too... just that few minutes of concern takes my mind off my problems for a little while...at least just a while...
Cos you are not the only one that has troubles... it also keeps your mind off your unhappiness for a while.
I guess it helps a little... FB-ed Wen An about his son...FB-ed Yatie about how she is now.... sms-ed Mousey too... just that few minutes of concern takes my mind off my problems for a little while...at least just a while...
:)
I haven't been blogging for really long time... can't believe that I'm blogging again.
Well, sometimes really don't think it is neccessary to blog... since there are facebook and twitters...mobile phones, phones, emails etcetc to update others of my life.
I dunno... perhaps I'm stress, perhaps I realised that I am not myself lately... perhaps... i just need a space to vent things out of me... yet I don't really want anyone to know about. So, I am blogging again...
I dun believe in blogging of unhappy things... cos it just reminds me of unhappiness when I read it again next time I log in... but then... I have been telling my loved ones again and again about how I felt... I guess its getting me nowhere...
A space of my own... rite here on this blog is my only space of my own for now...
Well, sometimes really don't think it is neccessary to blog... since there are facebook and twitters...mobile phones, phones, emails etcetc to update others of my life.
I dunno... perhaps I'm stress, perhaps I realised that I am not myself lately... perhaps... i just need a space to vent things out of me... yet I don't really want anyone to know about. So, I am blogging again...
I dun believe in blogging of unhappy things... cos it just reminds me of unhappiness when I read it again next time I log in... but then... I have been telling my loved ones again and again about how I felt... I guess its getting me nowhere...
A space of my own... rite here on this blog is my only space of my own for now...
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